Being a happy person #2

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post titled 'Being a happy person'. To be honest, since then I've been on a bit of a self destructive warpath emotionally. I've not exactly had one particular thing happen to make me feel so 'meh' I think it is just a build up of little things that amount to this. Back in August I was a completely different person to the one I am now, emotionally. I was in such a positive frame of mind. I think I've just fallen into a bit of a slump and I need to drag my arse back out of it.

So this is 'Being a happy person post #2' and this is my end of year resolution:

1. Exercise
I was exercising all the time and enjoying it. I was really starting to see some results and I felt great about myself. Tomorrow I'm going to try and get my fitness motivation back and start to love it again. It's very easy to lose motivation but picking it up again will take some work.

2. Diet
I wouldn't say I've been too bad with my diet, however I've not been brilliant either. I have a terrible habit of picking up food when on the go, particularly when I'm darting between meetings. This stops now.

3. Work
Work has been CRAZY busy recently. I have a lot of shows about to open and I feel like I'm constantly chasing my tail. I'm going to make sure I take a lunch break every day. Even if it's just 10 minutes. Stepping away from the computer to get some fresh air is so important and actually makes you more productive. Truth.

4. Phone time
I feel like this is an obvious one. I really need to spend less time on social media. I don't think I actually do anything of real importance on there anyway. Mostly I lurk around and compare myself to other people. And what does that really achieve? I am going to make a real effort to not waste so much time on Facebook and Instagram and instead have actual phonecalls. There is something really refreshing about having a good phone conversation with a family member or friend. I always feel really happy as I've not had to waste time wondering how a text was meant to be read, I can hear the tone in the other person's voice.

I will let you know how I get on!

Have a great Tuesday.

Mel x

Being a happy person

Today I was getting the train into London. Something I do every working day, however today I had missed my train because a Costa coffee suddenly felt like the most important thing in the world and I think a dozen other people had the same idea.

When I got to the platform I had about half an hour to wait for the next train and my hands were so cold, there wasn't really much else to do other than grasp my warm coffee and observe my surroundings. I really like people watching and so that's what I did.

Shortly before the train arrived, a mother and her son arrived onto the platform. I would have said she was in her late 30s and he must have been about 5. They looked as though they were on their way to London for a day trip to the museums/attractions. The little boy kept smiling at everyone he saw. He was in awe of all the important grown ups standing around him.

He had the biggest grin on his face. He was so excited for the day ahead and excited by being at the train station. As silly as it sounds, that little boy really made me think about how we all let ourselves down as grown ups. When you are that young you take things as they come. You go to school and that's all you are thinking about. You go home and all you care about on your way home is what is happening right at that very moment, how colourful and exciting the world is.

Every day I commute to London and I don't think I really pay much attention to what I am doing, when I am doing it. I'm thinking about work, the emails I need to respond to, the meetings I have planned for the day. Or I'm thinking about my weekend plans, housework I need to do, my next holiday. I don't think I actually notice the people around me or ever take a moment to just be.

I think what makes you a happy person is when you are present in everything you do, like the little boy I saw at the train station. When I say present, I mean you are actually there in physical, mental and emotional form. I feel like half of the conversations we have with each other we are all slightly absent from them. My nan is always telling me to stop and smell the roses around me and I think I finally understand what that means.

Mel x

15 THINGS TO DO TO HELP YOUR CONFIDENCE AND HAPPINESS

Here are 15 things you can do, which I too am doing, to be able to gain self confidence.

1. Write down all the things you dislike about yourself
It's important to understand what it is you're struggling with. It could be that you don't even know what it is you don't like or you could be unfair to yourself by writing down multiple things you consider faults. You won't know what it is until you really ask yourself, so do it....

Then rip the piece of paper up, burn it, chew it, give it to the dog, use it as hamster bedding, just destroy it and make sure you can never read it again. You won't be needing that anymore.

2. Make a list of all the things you do like about yourself
It could be your smile, sense of humour, cute big toe, doesn't matter. Just think hard and make a list. You need to think of at least 10. You can do it, it's impossible to not. Even if it's your stamina, your level of tolerance, your well shaped eye brows. I want 10 things. Write them. Read them back. Remember them.

3. Set yourself acheivable short-term goals
Think of some achievable and realistic goals. Ideally short term goals to acheive in the next 12 mnths such as 'Run 10k' or 'Lose a stone' or 'join an online dating site' Postive and acheivable goals. Then figure out an action plan to help you acheive those goals. I wouldn't set too many, maybe a maximum of 5.

4. Erase the easily-erasable negative encouragements in your life
If Aunt Wendy is always moaning about her hip problems, hide the dear old girl from newsfeed. Don't delete her, just hide her. She will never know. If you have a bad habit of reading negative stories on the local news website or Daily Mail, stop doing that too. Instead follow pages which inspire you; wanderlust pages, fitness pages, positive quotes, comedians. Happy happy happy.

5. Decide who makes you happy
Spend time with the people who make you happy.

You may not realise it, but these people also make you confident. You feel comfortable around them. Although you're not comfortable in yourself, you're comfortable in their company. Make sure you see those people as much as you can, at least once a week is a good suggestion.

6. Make an effort with your appearance
It's so easy to get into a slump and think 'why am I bothering anyway, nobody likes me, nobody cares'. Who cares. We want YOU to like you. Nobody else matters. So wake up in enough time to put a bit of extra time into your image, choose an outfit the night before work every day, do your hair nice, make an effort for yourself. Don't do anything which will make you feel out of your comfort zone, just make an effort to feel good about yourself rather than run down.

7. Get organised

A tidy room/desk/garden is a tidy mind. Focus your attention on getting into a routine, be organised, sort out the cupboard in the kitchen that's been bugging you for a while, clear out some old clothes, sort your 2468654791246 emails into organised folders.

8. Spend less time on social media and the Internet
I'm sorry, but I do believe the Internet is one of the biggest problems. It's so easy to compare to other people and thing more negatively of ourselves as a result. Think of things you enjoy doing which will distract you from stalking Michelle Keegan and your boyfriends ex online. Read, go for a jog, catch up on Netflix, do some colouring for adults, play Tetris, focus on your x5 goals. Just don't waste time stalking. We all do it, but stop.

9. Figure out what makes you unhappy about your life
Happy people are more confident than unhappy people. Fact. Figure out what you're unhappy with, could be your boss, debt, the housing estate you live on. Whatever the issue is, become aware of it and work out how to change it.

10. Give yourself a break
If you can afford a holiday, excellent, take one. If not, make sure you know when it's important to have some down-time to chill. Whether it's just a lazy Sunday and a day off from dieting, or a week in Mykonos. Time to chill is so important.

11. Exercise
I love exercise. It really helps you to clear your mind, to feel good about yourself and its a progressive activity too. The more you do it, the better you will get.

12. Music


Music always helps me. I won't lie, I love a bit of cheesy pop music. I listen to Rock/Alternative music mostly, but if I need a quick pick-me-up, I'll listen to some old classics, or some Top 40 tunes. Discovering new amazing music is always a bit uplifting too. Sometimes I will go a few days of not listening to music and it feels so relieving when I finally listen to music again.

13. Walking
Walking is exercise, yes, but actually I feel like it deserves its own number. Walking is a really great way to clear your mind. I walk to work every day (I have the option to catch the tube and be there in 1/4 of the time it takes me to walk but I enjoy walking). Admittedly the rainy days aren't as fun. A bit of fresh air really does me some good though. I tend to deliberately avoid looking on my phone too. It's nice to just be able to walk and think to myself. If you have a dog, try leaving your phone at home or in your pocket when you go out for a walk. It's really nice to just walk and clear your mind.

14. Diet
I go through periods of eating really well and then I have spells of eating terribly. It's amazing how much this effects my attitude. When I am eating healthily, I ususally feel really motivated, awake and happy. When I have bad eating spells, I feel guilty, tired, miserable and it's just not worth it. Eat well, but eat healthily. If you want the ocassional McDonalds, that's fine. Just eat moderately.

15. Learning new skills
If you've always wanted to learn the guitar, do it. If you quite like the idea of learning Spanish, do that too. If you want to join a local baking school, go right ahead. All these activities are progressive. You are working towards something and you can only get better at it. As you get better at something, you will feel better in yourself. You will feel a sense of pride and acheivement and that goes a long way.

I hope this blog has been a bit enlightening. Not to sound cliche, but we have one life. Why spend it miserable?

Thanks for reading.

Mel x

DEALING WITH MY ANXIETY

There's something which I've left out of all of my blogs and that is the truth about my anxiety. I try to be positive in all of my blogs, so talking about something negative isn't something I've thought of doing. But I'm going to talk about it now as I feel it's more of a positive thing that I have to say.

Anyway...

Most young women suffer with anxiety, it's not uncommon. I think the most important step in dealing with it is admitting to yourself that you have a problem. 

Anxiety is a horrible burden. It makes you afraid of your own thoughts and emotions, effects your confidence, your trust in others and it effects your lifestyle. Something anxiety is not, is a quick fix. 'Don't worry about it' is the most pointless advice someone can give you and although they mean well by it, it doesn't help you at all. It's something which is much easier said than done. 

Two years ago I went for something called CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). It was a 10 week referral which helped me to understand more about why I was feeling anxious and the things I was doing which I thought were helping my situation but were actually classed as 'safety behaviors'.

Safety behaviours are actions we take that make us feel better in the short term but not in the long term. For example, something I've often worried about is my health. I would often self diagnose online which everyone should know by now is the worst thing you can do. If you type any symptom in to Google, somewhere out there on the internet, there is a website which will tell you that you are dying. 

Sometimes self diagnosing would make me feel better because I'd realise I didn't have all the symptoms which were listed for a terminal illness, only about two of them which told me it was unlikely. I would feel better for a maximum of 24 hours and then I would worry that 'what if this is the early stages? what if I am actually dying?'. Doing it would never help me to be rational about anything. The amount of panic attacks I had as a result of self diagnosing... well I've lost count. Realising this was a safety behaviour (and actually causing me more harm than good) was one of the best things CBT gave to me. I set myself a target to not self diagnose online for a whole week. When I managed it (and believe me it was so hard to avoid) I then tried to go another week, then a month, until eventually I didn't consider it an option any more.

There were multiple other things I was doing that I was unaware were safety behaviours until CBT. My therapist was able to find these out by asking me how I'd reacted to worries I'd had during the week. I would argue to him about why I didn't think what I was doing was negative and he would sit and listen and without telling me directly, he was able to help me understand for myself why these things were not helping me overcome my dark thoughts. 

CBT helped me to be my own therapist when anxious. I can apply this knowledge to any form of anxiety, not just my health worries. But, as I mentioned earlier, anxiety isn't a quick fix. CBT was not the complete cure I needed. I don't think any amount of counselling or hypnosis etc will cure you of anxiety permanently because we are all human and something which all humans do is worry. It's just a case of learning how to know when you have a general worry and recognising the difference of a general worry to anxiety.

I have worries every day. Most of them are general worries but ocassionally I feel sick with anxiety and I know that it's something I'm going to have to work harder to shift. More often than not, it's all in my head. I'm forever having conversations with myself, trying to get to the bottom of what it is I'm worrying about and whether I am being realistic. The main thing I remind myself all the time is that whatever does happen I cannot change. As much as my mind works against me, telling me 'if you worry there will be no nasty surprises' and 'think of the worst case scenario and if the result is not as bad as that you'll be pleased' which I know is a ridiculous way of living my life.

Whatever you go through in life, however traumatising it is, you are one brave human being and you will find a way of dealing with it. No amount of worrying will ever change the outcome. Anxiety is a demon and you either let it possess you or learn to shut it away. I personally would recommend the latter. 

I don't know if I'll ever stop having anxious thoughts. I'm just learning how to overcome them when they occur. It's a real challenge but I don't want to let my anxiety get the better of me. Luckily I've not had any bad spells recently. I hope that's because I've fought the demon away each time and not let it in my head. 

My advice to anyone who suffers with chronic anxiety is that the first step you need to take is admitting it to yourself. Then seek help. Try CBT, a lot of Mind groups offer this as a free service. Be aware of your own negative thoughts and take responsibility for them. For example, If you are unhappy with your image, ask yourself what it is you're unhappy with and find a way of working on it, or better still, tell yourself what you do like about your image and then concentrate on your positive features instead. Dont compare yourself to other people. You are you, you will never be them. But you can be the best version of you. Life is too short to let your own demons control you. You are blessed with this life so please go ahead and live it and be happy.

I'm not a psychologist but I do hope this has helped any readers to know you're not alone. What you're feeling is completely normal and you aren't the only person who has experienced these thoughts. You just have to find a solution to being happy. Happiness is the strongest antidote there is.

Thank you for reading,
Mel x

Things are just things

Before the new year I decided that I didn't want to enter 2016 with clutter, so I had a clear out. Something I realised whilst clearing out every payslip I'd ever received and my college work books from 6 years ago (I know, what the hell?), was that wow... I may have a slight case of OCD.

So there it began. I went slightly crazy and threw out everything that I hadn't used or didn't need to keep. There were so many things I'd kept thinking they were of 'sentimentle value' but couldn't even remember who had bought them for me or why I'd kept them. I had birthday cards from the last 7 years of birthdays. Perhaps I was planning to recycle them, who knows.

I'd also kept hold of things I'd bought in the spur of a past moment that had seemed like a good idea at the time but I had never actually used. The only reason I hadn't parted with them was because I wanted to convince myself that said posessions would eventually be used, rather than accepting I had in fact wasted my money on crap.

I had kept hold of things like tickets from past trips to Thorpe Park. I couldn't remember who I'd been there with that day or why it was important I kept the ticket. If, god forbid, my apartment was to burn down, these things would all be destroyed. Of course that would be overwhelmingly upsetting, however no souvenirs kept from good memories will compare to the actual memories I have in my mind.

I managed to get rid of 7 black bags worth of things to charity and 7 black bags to the tip. It was so refreshing. Since the clear out I have been a lot more responsible with the things I have bought too. There is no point in spending my hard earned money on something if it is never going to be used or appreciated. Yesterday I bought a slow cook recipe book as I've wanted one for a while (I'm getting old and boring apparently). It was reduced from £17.99 to £6.00 - an offer I could not refuse.

When I got it home, I was saddened to realise that actually the recipes in the book were not particularly inspiring. I'd grabbed the book so fast that I hadn't actually looked at it first. 2015 Mel would have kept hold of the book and hoped that her tastebuds would change and convince herself she would eventually utilise the recipes. 2016 Mel has decided this book is just going to sit on the shelf unused, gathering dust, so I will be returning the book to the shop I bought it from.

I'd really encourage everyone to have a clear out. There is no point in keeping hold of things you will not use. If they are still in good condition then donate them to a charity shop so someone else can benefit from your unwanted things.

Thank you for reading.

Mel x

2015: A Wrap-Up

Happy New Year Guys!

I know, I know... my blog posts have been a bit slack. The second half of 2015 was so busy. I seemed to barely find time to watch a bit of TV, let alone write a blog post.

As I mentioned in a previous update, I started doing a bit of freelance work and it all just sort of kicked off. I had some sort of project, be it a logo or website, to work on every single evening of the week. I love designing, it's my hobby. So to be paid to do it is such a great thing. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't making enough money to afford the monthly food shopping, let alone warrant leaving my career, but the odd bit of extra pocket money here and there was such a treat from just doing something I really enjoy.

I thought I'd wrap up on 2015 by listing some of the things I've learned and how I plan to take those lessons and make sure 2016 is an even better year. So here goes...

1. I can't do everything

I have always been such a 'yes person'. If ever my friends organise something, I'm always the first to accept the invite. This tends to get a lot harder when you're such a busy person. Last year I agreed to so many things in advance that I'd then get to said event and would have something on literally every evening that week. This made it really hard to have a good time because I was so exhausted from such a busy week I just wanted to go home, jump into my onesie, light my Yankee Candles and binge-watch Luther. 

Lesson for 2016: Don't cram up too much into a short period of time.

2. I'm too much of a pessimist

This is probably the main thing I realised I need to change about myself. I really am such a negative person. Not towards other people, but towards myself. Whenever anything is going well I instantly think 'uh oh' and look for the flaws or question what is going to go wrong.

Lesson for 2016: Enjoy the good, I can't change the future.

3. I don't actually enjoy junk food.

I love burgers, Häagen-Dazs salted caramel ice-cream, Krispy Kreme doughnuts and cheesy chips. I love the taste of them and the motion of eating those things. But... immediately after I always feel awful, guilt-ridden and fat.

Lesson for 2016: I will continue to eat those things but moderately. They will be a treat rather than a regular occurence. 

4. Waking up early is stress-prevention.

I went through a horrid stage before Christmas of just not wanting to get out of bed. I would lay in past all my alarms and then have a mad panic 20 minutes before I need to leave for work. It was just unnecessary stress. On the week just before Christmas I started waking up an hour before I needed to leave the house and I realised that actually, I felt more awake, refreshed and ready to start the day.

Lesson for 2016: Wake up as soon as the alarm goes off.

5. Responsibility with money is far more rewarding than retail therapy.

I feel like such a bore, but recently I paid off a massive chunk of my credit card and cleared my entire overdraft. The feeling of paying off that money and starting up a savings plan was so satisfying that it made me realise that being irresponsible with my money, although I may enjoy a cheeky Starbucks in the morning, just makes me stressed.

Lesson for 2016: Save money, clear the credit card and the occasional treat will feel more rewarding.

Thank you for reading and I wish you all a happy and properous new year!

Mel x