There's something which I've left out of all of my blogs
and that is the truth about my anxiety. I try to be positive in all of
my blogs, so talking about something negative isn't something I've
thought of doing. But I'm going to talk about it now as I feel it's more
of a positive thing that I have to say.
Anyway...
Most young women suffer with anxiety, it's not uncommon. I
think the most important step in dealing with it is admitting to
yourself that you have a problem.
Anxiety is a horrible burden. It makes you afraid of your
own thoughts and emotions, effects your confidence, your trust in others
and it effects your lifestyle. Something anxiety is not, is a quick
fix. 'Don't worry about it' is the most pointless advice someone can
give you and although they mean well by it, it doesn't help you at all.
It's something which is much easier said than done.
Two years ago I went for something called CBT (Cognitive
Behavioral Therapy). It was a 10 week referral which helped me to
understand more about why I was feeling anxious and the things I was
doing which I thought were helping my situation but were actually
classed as 'safety behaviors'.
Safety behaviours are actions we take that make us feel
better in the short term but not in the long term. For example,
something I've often worried about is my health. I would often self
diagnose online which everyone should know by now is the worst thing you
can do. If you type any symptom in to Google, somewhere out there on
the internet, there is a website which will tell you that you are dying.
Sometimes self diagnosing would make me feel better because
I'd realise I didn't have all the symptoms which were listed for a
terminal illness, only about two of them which told me it was unlikely. I
would feel better for a maximum of 24 hours and then I would worry that
'what if this is the early stages? what if I am actually dying?'. Doing it would never help me to be rational about anything. The amount of panic
attacks I had as a result of self diagnosing... well I've lost count.
Realising this was a safety behaviour (and actually causing me more harm
than good) was one of the best things CBT gave to me. I set myself a
target to not self diagnose online for a whole week. When I managed it
(and believe me it was so hard to avoid) I then tried to go another
week, then a month, until eventually I didn't consider it an option any
more.
There were multiple other things I was doing that I was
unaware were safety behaviours until CBT. My therapist was able to find
these out by asking me how I'd reacted to worries I'd had during the
week. I would argue to him about why I didn't think what I was doing was
negative and he would sit and listen and without telling me directly,
he was able to help me understand for myself why these things were not
helping me overcome my dark thoughts.
CBT helped me to be my own therapist when anxious. I can
apply this knowledge to any form of anxiety, not just my health worries.
But, as I mentioned earlier, anxiety isn't a quick fix. CBT was not the
complete cure I needed. I don't think any amount of counselling or hypnosis etc will cure you of anxiety permanently because we are all
human and something which all humans do is worry. It's just a case of
learning how to know when you have a general worry and recognising the
difference of a general worry to anxiety.
I have worries every day. Most of them are general worries
but ocassionally I feel sick with anxiety and I know that it's something
I'm going to have to work harder to shift. More often than not, it's
all in my head. I'm forever having conversations with myself, trying to
get to the bottom of what it is I'm worrying about and whether I am
being realistic. The main thing I remind myself all the time is that
whatever does happen I cannot change. As much as my mind works against
me, telling me 'if you worry there will be no nasty surprises' and 'think
of the worst case scenario and if the result is not as bad as that
you'll be pleased' which I know is a ridiculous way of living my life.
Whatever you go through in life, however traumatising it
is, you are one brave human being and you will find a way of dealing
with it. No amount of worrying will ever change the outcome. Anxiety is a
demon and you either let it possess you or learn to shut it away. I
personally would recommend the latter.
I don't know if I'll ever stop having anxious thoughts. I'm
just learning how to overcome them when they occur. It's a real
challenge but I don't want to let my anxiety get the better of me.
Luckily I've not had any bad spells recently. I hope that's because I've
fought the demon away each time and not let it in my head.
My advice to anyone who suffers with chronic anxiety is
that the first step you need to take is admitting it to yourself. Then
seek help. Try CBT, a lot of Mind groups offer this as a free service.
Be aware of your own negative thoughts and take responsibility for them.
For example, If you are unhappy with your image, ask yourself what it
is you're unhappy with and find a way of working on it, or better still,
tell yourself what you do like about your image and then concentrate on
your positive features instead. Dont compare yourself to other people.
You are you, you will never be them. But you can be the best version of
you. Life is too short to let your own demons control you. You are
blessed with this life so please go ahead and live it and be happy.
Thank you for reading,
Mel x
