Thursday 30 July 2015

20 THINGS YOU'LL HATE IF YOU COMMUTE TO LONDON


Evening,

It's been a while since my last rant so I feel this one is probably overdue. Here are the things which infuriate me most about commuting to London:

1. Disgusting people.


















People who sneeze and splutter everywhere in busy places, ESPECIALLY when there is fresh coffee near.

2. Annoying parents.












Parents who encourage their infant child to try walking on their own, in a busy place, during rush hour.

Why would you choose to take an overcrowded form of public transport during the busiest of all periods in the day with your child?!

Furthermore, what would posses you to even consider the idea that now might be an exciting time to get them to walk on their own? NO. Pick them up and carry them, if you absolutely must travel at this hour.

3. Runaway Gate Guards.















There is absolutely no gate guard in site and all gates are closed. Where on earth did they go?!!! They have one job.

4. Seat hoggers.












People who can see the train is preposterously busy but persist to sitting on the chair on the inside of the carriage so everyone else has to climb over them to get to the empty chair. Selfish people.

5. The London Underground.













When the tube pulls up at the station and all the passengers bust their way through the open doors, but the train then decides it has to depart before anyone has actually managed to get on. 

Dear TFL, please can we have 'on' doors and 'off' doors? Thanks very much.

6. Human statues.














When the train you're on arrives at the station you are getting off at but nobody moves out of your way to let you off.

Tip: push them, make sure it hurts, but if they turn to you in anger... RUN and if you can't run yet... HIDE.

7. Air hoggers.




















People who decide to have a phone call catching up with whoever it is they care about, on a busy train, after a long day, for all to hear.

This situation is always amusing when they suddenly get disconnected by signal though. Tehe.

8. Children

Screaming children, excitable children, children running through the train carriage. Children on public transport during commuting hours full stop.
 
It's been a long day and your 7 uncontrollable children are just about to push me over the edge. Please parents, control your offspring.

9. Ticket checks.


















The ticket man (or woman). Ugh! Just when you finally get comfortable, that's when he (or she) decides to come and nag you to see your ticket. 

I wouldn't mind, if I didn't have to do this SIX TIMES A DAY. Let me be an angry person in peace.

10. Ticket barriers.

'Seek assistance' on the ticket barrier. The amount of times I've gone to walk through the gate and it shuts on me. Literally, on me. You don't want to be dealing with that kind of disruption of a morning.

11. Overcrowding.

When the train before yours is delayed so all of the early birds hop on yours instead. No! Sod off!

12. Tourists who travel at commuting hours.














Yeah that. Get off our train. You can pop into London to sightsee at a more logical hour, thank you very much.

13. Overpriced train fares.

Q: How annoying must it be to pay £650 a month and sometimes you can't get a seat?

A: Glorious! Because I pay £650 a month and VERY REGULARLY I don't get a seat.

14. Loud people.

Seriously guys. It's a commuter train. We are the grumpiest people in Britain. It's either too early in the morning or we've had a really long day so just shh.

15. Clueless and stroppy train staff.

As if overpriced tickets, lack of seating and regular delays weren't bad enough, we then have 'happy' Shirley who can't tell us where the train is and even if she could, she wouldn't, because she hates people.

I'm not saying it must be easy working for National Rail but like... That's your job? Smile. Be nice. Be helpful. If you can't manage the three main things that are required of you? Resign.

16. Time

Those who commute to London are time poor. So I know I'm not the only one who depresses themselves during a train delay by counting how many hours until I'll will be back at the station the following morning.

17. Inaudible announcements.














Your train is delayed, you're not sure why and you don't know if you will be home for tea. An announcement comes on after a 45 minute wait to answer all your questions...

Introducing 'Muffling Michael' - Mikey, we can't hear you mate. Speak up and speak clearly!

18. Ear-piercing announcements. 












It's early. You haven't had your coffee yet. You know where you're going, you're grumpy, angry and you're sleep deprived.

Introducing 'Deafening Donna' - Christ almighty, love. We know where we are going, we go there every day. We also know where the luggage racks and charger sockets are. Please stop talking so close to the mic. In fact, stop talking altogether. Cheers.

19. Cringey airplane-esque announcements.













One of these days they are going to have a member of staff offering tutorials, before every journey, on how to survive a train crash.

It's not a plane. It's a train... TR-TR-TRAIN.

20. People who eat loudly.


If you've got to eat, that's fine. I'll put up with the pungent stench of your tuna sandwich, it's fine. It's allll fine. Just please don't smack your chops.

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I think I've just about covered everything but if there is anything that I've missed which is incredibly annoying, feel free to share below!

Thanks so much for reading.

Mel x

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